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Ninja Assassin: Slicing Through People and Story

This Benihana is officially closed for business.

Rating: 7 out of 10

For most guys out there are a few words which automatically generates excitement-filled jitters: football, swimsuit issue and ninjas. Pick any single word out of that group and you have an instant “guy flick”, so Ninja Assassin was primed and ready to dominate the male viewing market for the holiday season. The star on the Christmas tree was momentarily replaced by the four-pointed Shuriken of the black-masked killers of old. In situations like this, it’s best to open your presents very, very carefully. They might be sharp.

Ninja Assassin is the story of Raizo, a young man who was stolen from his family as a child and raised as a highly trained assassin for one of the notorious “Nine Clans.” Hardened by vicious training sessions and continued psychological abuse, Raizo grew to be the best of the best, but when he is pushed too far by his master, Raizo chooses to not only break from the clan, but dedicate the remainder of his life to killing the man who trained him.

Adding to the anticipation of this martial arts showcase was a few key people, both in front of and behind the screen. Donning the visage of the prodigal ninja son is Rain, a major Korean pop-star who sold out one of his first U.S. performances in New York so fast that they added another night and he was joined on stage by such American hip-hop powerhouses as P. Diddy, Jojo and Omarion. He was named one of Time Magazine’s Most Influential People back in 2006 and labeled “the face of pop globalism”. No matter what the box office numbers are here in the U.S., you can guarantee this will bring in barrels of foreign market money. This was not his first foray into American movie-making; that would be last year’s box-office disappointment, Speed Racer, where he played Taejo Togokahn. That might not have given him the most auspicious beginning, but he gained the appreciation of producer Joel Silver and directing wonder-duo Andy and Larry Wachowski. The Matrix-trio saw something in Rain and decided he needed a starring vehicle to properly introduce him to the world outside of Asia.

In terms of performance and dedication, Rain brings it. Tremendous action skills, peak physical condition and a boyish charm help Rain succeed in certain areas of this flick, but unfortunately the story foundation underneath him was not incredibly well-formed. In essence, the scenes were flimsy chain links connecting one action scene to the next. As much as I enjoyed the slicing and dicing, I had to bite my tongue during the arduous dialogue-driven plot points. Sometimes we don’t need plot or story to keep the interest alive, but the flashy quick pace of the action scenes only served to make those moments where someone wasn’t being separated from their limbs that much slower.

Also, a continual annoyance throughout the film was the CGI blood effects. It was overly bright red and liquidy, even bordering on cartoonish. It continually detracted from the intended coolness of this razor sharp ninja extravaganza. I’m not sure why they chose this method for pretend bloodletting, but whatever the reason was it failed to hold up the dark and deadly mood. On the other hand, from the get go various enemies of our quiet and brooding hero find themselves sliced into two, three or possibly more pieces. The dismemberment allowed for some much-needed chuckles, keeping the dark visuals of the flick from making things too serious.

The End of the Page Recommendation: Ninja Assassin has the action-flick chops, but the silly looking blood effects and flimsy story fail to help link the action scenes together into anything memorable. Popcorn fun, but the only thing I really came out hoping for is that Rain finds himself a better script for his next time out.

Bolt: Some Sizzle, Yet No Spark

Do you know how close that place is to the ocean? Do you realize how much water that is?!

Rating: 6 out of 10

We sometimes cast a wistful gaze back into history and remember all the purely magical moments of our childhoods: learning to ride a bike, dumping out the first bag of Halloween candy after a monster haul, or playing with the first new family pet. All of these things hold a special place in our hearts and right alongside those for most of us is the memory of watching our first Disney film. Whether it was Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, Steamboat Wille or Aladdin (had to mention it since it is still my reigning favorite from ‘The House of Mouse’), those magical cartoons had a profound effect on several generations and for that, Disney deserves a certain amount of credit. Yet, today things are slightly different. In the world of animated cinema Disney is scratching for third place on the totem pole, underneath the powerhouse studios of Pixar and Dreamworks Animation. It’s true, it can be argued Disney is on top of the pole since they own Pixar, but Pixar operates very much as a separate company and they gained their early success and prestige before Disney made the purchase. Disney is merely the distribution chain for the wonderment emanating from the minds and dreams of the Pixar creative staff. So the question becomes, does Disney still have the chops to compete in the animation circuit?

Yes, they do, as long as they are satisfied with coming in third.

Disney’s latest contribution is Bolt, the story of a dog who doesn’t know he’s an actor on a television show and ends up lost in the real world trying to find his owner, who was fake-kidnapped on the show. Along the way Bolt captures an alley cat in an effort to force her to lead him to the Green-eyed Man (his TV arch-nemesis) and also picks up a hamster that happens to be a fanatical fan named Rhino. Their cross country journey is full of adventures and mishaps, all in an effort to lead Bolt home and back to his owner. The journey is also an internal one for Bolt as he struggles with the realization that he is a normal, non-superhero type dog.

Bolt is a charming movie and should be enjoyable to most young kids out there, but the modern day marker for true success in this genre is how many adults can you attract without their children in tow? For that crowd, Bolt doesn’t offer a whole lot. The trailer was incredibly well-designed and caught a good deal of the highlights in the film, mainly showcasing the role of Rhino the hamster, who stole most of his scenes and felt light in the overall scope of the film. Boosting up his role might not have fit in the structure of the story, but it certainly would have brought up the laughs. Another point in which I think the movie fared really well was the depiction of the pigeons, both in New York and in Los Angeles. The movements and seemingly spastic thought processes in those birds were amusing no matter what they were talking about. Those animators really captured a brilliant idea of what it could be like to listen to their thoughts. The Los Angeles based pigeons…well, those were hilarious for a whole different reason, which I won’t go into for the sake of not ruining the scene. (The only pitfall here is it might only be funny to people who live out here and work in the entertainment industry. Even so, I’m lucky because I do live here and I did think they were the high point of the flick.) As for the main characters, Bolt made sense throughout the film and always stayed on a strong motivated course, but I just wasn’t endeared to him. I can’t put my finger on exactly what it was, but something lacked in making Bolt stand out amongst the cadre of side characters and he ended up being only a lynch pin instead of driving force for the story. The alley cat, Mittens, played well off Bolt and acted more like the Chorus in Greek and Roman theatre, providing the reactions of the common audience member, since Bolt’s own worldview was so skewed. Mittens continually reminded us that what was happening was more-or-less insane, but in the end also showed us what was most important. Surprising to me, Mittens felt more like the heart or emotional center of the film over Bolt.

With animated features another big hurdle is to find a cast of voices that not only fits the characters, but also doesn’t overshadow the movie itself. John Travolta provided the voice of Bolt and admittedly when the movie began I felt his voice was too old for the character and too aware of himself, but as it went on I felt Travolta settled into it more and became more attuned with the character. On the other hand, Miley Cyrus was not a terribly good choice as the voice of Penny, Bolt’s real life and on-screen owner. She was certainly picked for star power and to further connect the movie to the teen-and-under audience, but Miley’s voice is raspy, bordering on smoky at times and while that might work for her pop star image, it didn’t play coming from the mouth of a young, innocent looking girl.

One last interesting tidbit is Bolt was actually executive produced by John Lasseter, one of Pixar’s creators who now works for both companies. He was brought onto Disney Animation to help bring them back into the forefront of the animation world, but I can’t say I really felt that Pixar spark inside this movie. I have no doubt Disney will continue to move forward and fight their way onwards and upwards, but so far it has been a slow crawl for them.

Recommendation: If you have young children, jump on in, but if you’re heading out on your own, you better be a die-hard fan of children’s movies. Also, this is being offered in 3-D at some theaters, but feel free to skip that option. I saw the 3-D version and there wasn’t anything really worth the hassle of wearing those glasses and possibly fighting off the resulting headache.
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